Thoughts While Dozing
We don't need :
1. TV commercials that promote drugs for bodily functions ( sex,micturation,evacuation) or gross
skin conditions like toe fungus and eczema.
- TV commercials to sell drugs PERIOD!
- Reality TV
- Talk Radio All Day
- Weather forecasts that last longer than 30 seconds
in Politics or Government
- TV commercials that turn up the volume
- Cookbooks that donâ€™t lie flat when opened
Packs that can't be opened without a knife or pair of scissors
11. I am thinking about a friend in his 80's who remarked on the commercials for Viagra. He said if he had an erection that lasted
4 hours he wouldn't call his doctor, he would call all his friends.
12. The gas in Sandwich sells for $4.19 a gallon. In Buzzards Bay
, across the Canal , it goes for $4.05. The round trip is 12 miles. I get 24 mpg , so a trip would use 1/2 gallon or cost about $2.00.
A fill-up is about 15 gallons . The savings of 14 cents a gallon comes to $2.10. A total savings of 10 cents for the trip doesn't
include the wear and tear and aggravation. So I am trapped here in Sandwich.
13. Gasoline is on my mind. Why don't we get rid of the
tenth of a cent designation for the price? When a sign reads 4.19 9/10, that is so close to 4.20 it would seem that the round up would
make sense. For one thing the signs would be smaller and that would save an expense for the gas stations. If the average motorist
drove 20,000 miles in a year and got 20 mpg, he would use 1000 gallons and the additional cost would be 10 dollars. That increase
could be set aside for research on alternative fuels and we wouldn't have to look at misleading price signs.
We do need:
- More tolerance in everyday lives
- Proper scheduling of programs to protect children
3.Law requiring candidates to speak directly into camera with full face that must occupy 90 percent of screen with no music or other
background. Abolish all other political commercials.
4.Term limits ( Three terms of two years for Representatives and two terms of
six years for Senate )One term of seven years for president.
We don't like to hear from people who say:
- "DID you know so and so?"ť Bearer of bad news
2. "And it's headed our way."TV Weather ForecasterÂ
3. "It will be ready in 20 minutes". Pharmacis
4." The doctor will be with you in
just a few minutes." Nurse Receptionist
5."ťYou will feel a little tingling sensation." Dentist
6." Would you like the 5 year warranty
for only........" Sales clerk
7. " I'm sorry, the all-inclusive warranty doesn't include this item." Service people
8. " What we need
is leadership." Candidates
9. " What we are providing is leadership." Incumbents
10. " We're just going to take them one game at a time."
Any professional athlete
11. " They're a good team . We'll have our work cut out for us on Sunday ." Any Professional Football Coach
- " It isn't about the money" Litigant
13. " Mr. Smith, we have a special promotion......" Caller at dinner time
- " Is everything all right?" Waitress when your mouth is full
15. " I can't recall saying that ." Politician
God sure has a tough job. The Dominican pitcher blesses himself and looks skyward before
throwing the crucial pitch to the Dominican batter who blesses himself and looks skyward. After the pitch one will look skyward and
raise two hands to thank God while the other will kick the dirt.
Let's do away with auto alarms. All they do is give us sound pollution.
Hardly anyone has saved his car from theft by an alarm. Whenever an alarm goes off , the first thought is someone should hurry to
shut it off, not a thief is about to steal a car.
I wasn't looking forward to parent's night at the Center Elementary
School. I had been to many such events in the past and besides as a High School teacher in the same town , I was well-acquainted with
This particular visit had a special foreboding since I was about to meet Mike's new fourth-grade teacher. The afternoon
before the visit I overheard a conversation between Mike and a classmate which centered on the teacher.
Bobby asked, " What do you
think of her? "
Mike's reply, " You mean Old Lady Pozatek? She's an old grouch!"
Bobby, "Yeah, she sure is."
With this information available
in the corridor outside her room , I steeled myself to meet the Wicked Witch of the West.
I entered and thought I must be in the wrong
room, or " old lady Pozatek," was out sick and she had a replacement. What I saw behind the desk was a young, early twenties, attractive
blonde who belonged on the cover of Sports Illustrated. I looked at the chalkboard and there was the name in large letters, MISS POZATEK.
learned from this experience that your point of view about people is a reflection of your age and also the relationship between the
parties. To Mike and Bobby , Miss Pozatek, who was over 12 and who demanded serious academic efforts on their part, could only be
old and a grouch.
I was 39 at the time....a genuine 39 , not a Jack Benny 39 .I must have been a Methuselah to the boys.
is a true story:
A 75 year-old golfer( Mike G. ) told a joke about a forgetful elderly man to his buddies on the first tee.A few days
later,the golfer told the same story again to the same guys. They all laughed again. Here we have a situation where a story about
a forgetful old-man was re-told by a forgetful old-man and laughed at again by forgetful old-men. Nobody would have known if it wasn't
for some wise guy in the group who was only 60.