For Anyone Who Plans To Live In Or Spend Time In Boston:


Bizah - odd
Flahwiz - roses, etc.
Hahpahst - minutes after the hour
Hahwahya? - how are you?
Khakis - what we staht the cah with
Pissah - superb
Retahded - silly
Shewah - of course
Wikkid - extremely
Yiz - you, plural
Popcahn - popular snack
Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don't.
If it's fizzy and flavored, it's tonic.
Soda is club soda. Pop is dad.
When we mean tonic WATER, we say tonicWATER.
The smallest beer is a pint.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
If you paid more than $6 a pound, you got scrod.
It's not a water fountain, it's a bubblah.
It's not a trash can, it's a barrel.
It's not a shopping cart, it's a carriage.

It's not a purse, it's a pockabook.
Brown bread comes in a can. You open both ends, push it out, heat it and eat it with bakedbeans.
They're not franks, they're haht dahgs.
If you're in the North End or East Boston:
It's not a sub sandwich, it's a spucky.
It's not lemon-ice , it's a lemon slush
It's not pasta, it's macaroni
It's not sauce, it's gravy
It's not a porch, it's a peeazzah.( Like The Met's Catcher)
Don't call it Beantown.
Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They'll tow it to Meffa (Medford) or Slumaville(Somerville).
Don't swim in the Charles, no matter what the ex-Govenor Bill Weld tells you.
Don't sleep in the Common.
Don't wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day, because Southies are 100 percent Irish American.
There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses and two Hancock buildings (one old, one new).
Route 128 is also I-95. It is also I-93.
It's the Sox (Red Sox), The Pats (The New England Patriots), or Patsies if they're losing), the Seltz (The Boston Celtics), and the Broons (The Bruins).
The underground train is not the subway. It's the T and it doesn't run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk).
Pay no attention to the street names.
There's no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water Street.
Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda.
Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth. So are South Boston streets:A, B, C, D.
If the streets are named after trees
(Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you'reon Beacon Hill. If they're named after poets you're in Wellesley.
All avenues are properly referenced by their
nicknames: Comm Ave (Commonwealth Avenue), Mass Ave. (Massachusetts Avenue), Dot Ave (Dorchester Avenue).
Dot is Dorchester, Rozzie is Roslindale, JP is Jamaica Plain. These are cities near Boston.
Readville doesn't exist.
Southie is South Boston. The South End is the South End. Eastie is East Boston. The North End is east of the West End.
The West End and Scollay Square are no more-a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night.
The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the center we find the South End. This is not to be confused with South Boston, which lies directly east from the South End. North of the South End is East Boston. southwest of East Boston is the North End.
Backbay was filled in years ago.

(subject to change at any time):
When on a one way street, stay to the right to
allow oncoming traffic to pass.
Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see.Grab it.
Double park in the North End of Boston, unless triple parking is available.
Learn to swerve abruptly. Boston is the home of slalom driving, thanks to the Registry of Motor Vehicles, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork.
Always look both ways when running a red light.
Honk your horn the instant the light changes.
Breakdown lanes are not for breaking down, but for speeding, especially during rush hour. Breakdown lanes may also end without warning causing traffic jams as people merge back in..
Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed-up and not let you in.
Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible.
And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps in the road, speed up loudly and chase him back up on the curb.

Subject: You are a Bostonian when...

  1. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater
  2. Your favorite adjective is "wicked"
  3. You remember when the "Fleet Center" was "The Boston Garden" and
refuse To refer to it as
anything BUT "the Gahden"
  1. Know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frank(ie)
  2. You go to the "packy" not the "liquor store"
  3. Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS within
eyeshot at all times.
7. Know how to claim your space on the T. Know what the T is.
  1. You keep an ice scraper and can of de-icer on the floor of your
car...year round
  1. You still try to order curly fries from Burger King
  2. You know how to pronounce Worcester, Peabody, and Cotuit
  3. You know where the Combat Zone used to be and still avoid that
  1. You don't eat dinner; you eat "suppa"
13. Pepsi, Coke, Sprite, etc. are not called "soda", they are "tonic"
  1. You order iced coffee in January
15. You can curse in Italian...only you don't say "curse" you say
  1. You don't understand the purpose of a crosswalk and therefore
refuse to
use them, even outside of Boston
  1. You know what candlepin bowling is
  2. You know about Evacuation Day
19. You have tried to drive the measured mile in less than 45 seconds.
  1. You drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax
  2. The whole 'Big Dig' mess drives you nuts unless you are spooning it
from Brighams.
You know what Brighams is and it shows
22. You've used the statement "not fa nuthin" in conversation.
23. You serve bread with every meal.
24. You feel compelled to hear at least one weather report a day.
  1. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block
oncoming traffic so you can
make a left.
26. You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop.